The other day I began to regale a friend of mine about a side-splittingly funny experience I'd had playing the online video game Call Of Duty 4.
As I launched into my frivolous tale of hilarity, he regarded me with an incredulous look he'd obviously been reserving for some rapist clambering off his drunken mother. Immediately following this gargoylish glare he launched into an enthusiastic disparagement of my occasional recreational activity as if he were the Wellspring of Wisdom and I was a barely-pubescent zit courier.
Well, I was quite taken aback, I can fucking tell you. I had no idea anyone still Atlased beneath such a Colossal Sphere Of Delusion since the advent of the internet twenty or so years ago. I gaped as he continued his admonishment:
"How old are you, five?" He guffawed.
"Eh?" I was completely thrown. I hadn't been subjected to such ignorant invective in well over a decade, and even back then it was from the breed of people who timeshare the village tooth.
"Fucking video games? You play video games?"
"Sure. Doesn't everyone?"
"Not over the age of twelve."
I had to sit down. "But everyone I know, my age, plays video games. Everyone." I looked up suspiciously, "'Cept you…"
"Bullshit! You think any of the other guys on the rugby team play?!"
"Aye. Everyone I know does. The only guys who don't either can't afford the technology or are so digitally uncoordinated they couldn't find their arsehole with two mirrors and a boat-hook."
"Bullshit. I'll bet you that…" (a serial list of names of mutual friends followed that he was certain spurned video game entertainment. Everyone he mentioned I know, for a fact, loves 'em. I know this, because either I play with them, or I've seen games and consoles at their houses. I told him so. He denied it. I told him to call them. He did. They confirmed. He looked significantly bothered by this, though I suspect it was because he originally thought he was right and I was wrong, which is a frequent pitfall for those who try to argue with little ol' me...).
See, we all play games. Whether it be scrabble, monopoly, football, rugby, sadomasochism or Call of Duty 4; they're all games - diversionary activities that distract our minds from the miserable humdrum of everyday existence; flights of fancy that make life worth living. Recreation is why we work, as far as I'm concerned. Funds gleaned from graft facilitate fun shit like the aforementioned. So, why wouldn't people acquire a piece of technology that could centralize a significant portion of their entertainment spectrum? Movies, music, TV shows, games; they're all in, or are potentially in, that little technological marvel gathering dust beneath our uninteractive television sets. Being biased against a gaming medium because ones fingers are less nimble than Professor Stephen fucking Hawking's smacks of insecurity. It's like saying American Football is shit because one, personally, can't kick a 50-yard field goal.
So why does this rapidly-dwindling ilk besmirch online video games but are all about a dinner party game of Risk? For me, the prospect of communally moving plastic armies around cardboard maps fighting die-rolled "battles" doesn't exactly shoehorn open my adrenal gland, people. Neither does playing Pacman, to be honest. But CoD4 online? This game has me on the edge of my seat, nerves on a hair-trigger, teetering on the edge of sensory overload. The graphics look real. The noise and chaos of small unit firefights are captured magnificently. Bullets whine as they whiz past, 5.1 style, and thud splinteringly into the surroundings so realistically you find yourself ducking involuntarily; the flashes, concussion and smoke from erupting ordinance deafens and blinds; men shout and scream to announce their status like real soldiers in the heat of war; therefore it's as intense as recreation gets!
The experience hones one's hand/eye co-ordination, manual dexterity, reaction times and visuo-spatial awareness to such a fine razor edge Victor Kiam would unwittingly whip out his wallet, pull out an obscenely large wad of cash and thump it down on the negotiating table like a hammer on an ice-cream anvil. Tactically, one's problem-solving abilities are taxed to the limit; angles of attack, feints, flanking maneuvers, pincer movements, booby traps, ambushes etc. coordinated amongst one's team-mates against our online opponents combine to compound the ever-evolving, breathlessly-exciting challenge. Obviously, with experiences this intense, you can't play all night. About an hour at a time does me, then I need to move onto something more mundane to calm the fuck down; read a book, listen to music, watch a movie; shit like that. COD4 is not a relaxing game; it's a emotional war.
Now, I'm not anti-board game nor anti-sport, as most of you well know, but I feel video games are (or 'were', I should say) an oft-maligned medium that is generally overlooked as a productive recreational pastime.
Usually by the ignorant or thumbtastically crap.
(Incidentally, the reason I bring this up is my Xbox 360 died on me (the infamous Red Rings of Death) about four weeks ago, and UPS tried to deliver a new one to me today, but I was out. Now I've got to wait until tomorrow!! AAAARRRRGGHHHH!!!!)
I am not addicted.
Honest.
Cheers
Stef
As I launched into my frivolous tale of hilarity, he regarded me with an incredulous look he'd obviously been reserving for some rapist clambering off his drunken mother. Immediately following this gargoylish glare he launched into an enthusiastic disparagement of my occasional recreational activity as if he were the Wellspring of Wisdom and I was a barely-pubescent zit courier.Well, I was quite taken aback, I can fucking tell you. I had no idea anyone still Atlased beneath such a Colossal Sphere Of Delusion since the advent of the internet twenty or so years ago. I gaped as he continued his admonishment:
"How old are you, five?" He guffawed.
"Eh?" I was completely thrown. I hadn't been subjected to such ignorant invective in well over a decade, and even back then it was from the breed of people who timeshare the village tooth.
"Fucking video games? You play video games?"
"Sure. Doesn't everyone?"
"Not over the age of twelve."
I had to sit down. "But everyone I know, my age, plays video games. Everyone." I looked up suspiciously, "'Cept you…"
"Bullshit! You think any of the other guys on the rugby team play?!"
"Aye. Everyone I know does. The only guys who don't either can't afford the technology or are so digitally uncoordinated they couldn't find their arsehole with two mirrors and a boat-hook."
"Bullshit. I'll bet you that…" (a serial list of names of mutual friends followed that he was certain spurned video game entertainment. Everyone he mentioned I know, for a fact, loves 'em. I know this, because either I play with them, or I've seen games and consoles at their houses. I told him so. He denied it. I told him to call them. He did. They confirmed. He looked significantly bothered by this, though I suspect it was because he originally thought he was right and I was wrong, which is a frequent pitfall for those who try to argue with little ol' me...).
See, we all play games. Whether it be scrabble, monopoly, football, rugby, sadomasochism or Call of Duty 4; they're all games - diversionary activities that distract our minds from the miserable humdrum of everyday existence; flights of fancy that make life worth living. Recreation is why we work, as far as I'm concerned. Funds gleaned from graft facilitate fun shit like the aforementioned. So, why wouldn't people acquire a piece of technology that could centralize a significant portion of their entertainment spectrum? Movies, music, TV shows, games; they're all in, or are potentially in, that little technological marvel gathering dust beneath our uninteractive television sets. Being biased against a gaming medium because ones fingers are less nimble than Professor Stephen fucking Hawking's smacks of insecurity. It's like saying American Football is shit because one, personally, can't kick a 50-yard field goal.
So why does this rapidly-dwindling ilk besmirch online video games but are all about a dinner party game of Risk? For me, the prospect of communally moving plastic armies around cardboard maps fighting die-rolled "battles" doesn't exactly shoehorn open my adrenal gland, people. Neither does playing Pacman, to be honest. But CoD4 online? This game has me on the edge of my seat, nerves on a hair-trigger, teetering on the edge of sensory overload. The graphics look real. The noise and chaos of small unit firefights are captured magnificently. Bullets whine as they whiz past, 5.1 style, and thud splinteringly into the surroundings so realistically you find yourself ducking involuntarily; the flashes, concussion and smoke from erupting ordinance deafens and blinds; men shout and scream to announce their status like real soldiers in the heat of war; therefore it's as intense as recreation gets!
The experience hones one's hand/eye co-ordination, manual dexterity, reaction times and visuo-spatial awareness to such a fine razor edge Victor Kiam would unwittingly whip out his wallet, pull out an obscenely large wad of cash and thump it down on the negotiating table like a hammer on an ice-cream anvil. Tactically, one's problem-solving abilities are taxed to the limit; angles of attack, feints, flanking maneuvers, pincer movements, booby traps, ambushes etc. coordinated amongst one's team-mates against our online opponents combine to compound the ever-evolving, breathlessly-exciting challenge. Obviously, with experiences this intense, you can't play all night. About an hour at a time does me, then I need to move onto something more mundane to calm the fuck down; read a book, listen to music, watch a movie; shit like that. COD4 is not a relaxing game; it's a emotional war.
Now, I'm not anti-board game nor anti-sport, as most of you well know, but I feel video games are (or 'were', I should say) an oft-maligned medium that is generally overlooked as a productive recreational pastime.
Usually by the ignorant or thumbtastically crap.
(Incidentally, the reason I bring this up is my Xbox 360 died on me (the infamous Red Rings of Death) about four weeks ago, and UPS tried to deliver a new one to me today, but I was out. Now I've got to wait until tomorrow!! AAAARRRRGGHHHH!!!!)
I am not addicted.
Honest.
Cheers
Stef
Comments
Post a Comment