Giving it up on the first date

I had a long conversation with a young lady about this last night. No, I wasn't trying to persuade her to drop her grundies for me; it was actually a discussion about the principle of the act. Her argument was that men, generally, will lose interest if a girl has sex with him on the first date. My argument was that those that lose interest ain't worth keeping anyway – so the screening process IS the preliminary shag (damn, I'm slippery. Did you see how I turned it around? Did you see?).

I'm not sure I like this expression "giving it up". It implies that women have something men want, but men have nothing women want, like they're doing us some huge favor by making the two-backed beast. Girls – you're not prizes to be achieved. If you think you are (I believe this is called the Princess Complex – a psychological condition where a girl has been subjected to a mountain of mollycoddling during her formative years by a soft father and an overbearing mother and now dreamily thinks of herself as Galadriel from Lord of the fucking Rings swanning around in gossamer gowns on ivy-entwined balconies and spouting off convoluted bollocks about, I dunno, moonbeams?) you're never going to be happy. Why? Because your expectations are impossible to meet. To paraphrase Billy Connolly;

"We want this, this and this! We want all of that, some of this, most of that, and none of that! We want less of this and more of that! And we want fucking ALL of this! And we want it now! We want it yesterday! And tomorrow all these demands are gonna change, so stay a-fucking-wake!"

We know women enjoy sex just as much as we do - to suggest otherwise (by refusing sexual advances from someone they're attracted to, for example) smacks of deception. It's always the outwardly prudish that'll eventually bang like a shithouse door when the plague's in town. Girls know this, too, which is why they fake the puritan mantle, thinking the man will pursue the promise of amazing sex, fall utterly in love, then ignore the fact she shags like an unwrung shammy whenever it is Her Majesty graciously decides it's about time she got some cock up her.

Sex should be a communion, not condoned larceny. That's why I have no time for the dangled carrot, to use a particularly colorful pun. I thoroughly enjoy flirting and teasing and other such coy foreplay, even if it goes nowhere, but I dislike getting all in a lather and waiting until the 5th date (or whatever) to hose down the sexual tension, as it were.

Every single one of my long-term girlfriends had sex with me on the first night. Each girl was a unique individual – there was no real commonality between them aside from shagging on the first date. I have fond memories and still talk with most of them; only a couple turned out to be scum. Conversely, I've binned many a girl that hummed and fucking hahhed about getting busy in the bedroom.

"I want to wait."

"Um, do you mind waiting outside?"

So it's about time women let go of this idea that the vagina is the golden ring that men will ford rivers, climb mountains, and wrestle alligators for. You like sex, I like sex, you fancy me, I fancy you, we're both single, let's fuckin' GO!

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