It's Not the Weather, it's You!

My abiding memory of the weather growing up in the UK is one of changeability, roiling beneath a framework of contrasting seasons, which dictated the shifting goalposts of temperature and precipitation. I've spent 20 years abroad, mainly working outdoors in the kind of frigid and incalescent excesses that either slam one in the stomach or boil one's balls in the bag.

Now I've been back in the UK for several months, I really can't understand what people, on either side of the Atlantic, are moaning about. The weather here seems perfectly clement, much as I remember it.

When it comes to complaining about the UK, your less educated Yank tends to harp on about stodgy cuisine, poor dentistry and drizzle. Most of the loudest proponents have never visited, or only for a short stay, hence derive their stereotypes from the hearsay of those that haven't visited properly either. Of course:

1. There's no such thing as bad cuisine, only a bad cook. If you make something that tastes like shit, let me tell you: it's not the fault of the cuisine.  

2. British dentistry is about function, American dentistry is about cosmetics. If these generalizations are a surprise to you, you haven't really visited America, either. Take a step back and have a good long look in the mirror.

 

3. Drizzle? Ah well, drizzle I'll grant you.

So Britain is a country blighted by rain? I'm from Scarborough, on the North Yorkshire coast.

The average rainfall in Scarborough is about 25½ inches a year. London, a couple of hundred miles to the south, gets about 29 inches. Now let's have a look how that compares to other places around the globe:

Amsterdam 31.
Paris 25.
Dublin 29.
Rome 23. About what you'd think, so far.
Sydney 48.
Perth 34.
New York City 47.

Washington DC 41.

Miami 60.

Los Angeles 15.

New Orleans 63.

Atlanta 50.

Phoenix 8.

Seattle 40.

Chicago 34.

Dallas 37.

Austin 33½ .

Boston 42.

Toronto 30.

Vancouver: 44.

Of course, the argument could be made that a lot of these places have much sunnier climes, and their rainfall is delivered via short, sharp tropical dumps rather than the lighter, more frequent showers seen in the UK. This is a good point. However, if it's cold, put a jacket on. Too hot? Take it off. If it's wet, put a brolly up.

It ain't rocket science.

And the more frequent rainfall is why the Brits live in the kind of greenery and scenery that'd spell home to a hobbit.

It might not have the grandeur of the Himalayas, Alps, or Rockies, but it's comfortably lived in and loved like an old pair of slippers. It's like cuddling with someone who curves in all the right places.

So, if your mood is dictated by the weather, I'd suggest you perhaps have a neurotically sensitive disposition: it's not the weather that's fucking miserable, it's you.